M.A.D. for Life, for life!

Making a Difference (M.A.D.) for ourselves should be automatic, instinctive, right? What could be more important than our health and our ability to enjoy a full Life?

I know I would certainly love to live to see my 100th birthday BUT only if I am mentally and physically ‘present’. I hold onto a vision of myself dancing and singing and cheering to my 100th year with maybe, no, absolutely having a cheeky glass of champagne! I made it! I made it! I made it! There I am, belting out the words in full and absolute delight. Its a stunning celebration.

So, am I diligently working to achieve that vision?

No.

Why?

I can’t offer a reasonable answer. I am educated, I have extraordinary lived experience, I am the daughter of parents who never lived to see their 60th year, I am a survivor of a life changing horrific action of terrorism AND most important of all, I am the Mother to a ten-year-old child. I have EVERY reason to be motivated, to be the poster girl for a complete health and well-being lifestyle but through a harsh and honest lens, whilst I should be my own specialist personal trainer, I am, in fact, my worst enemy.

Yes, I can’t actually believe I am writing this and being so revealing, there is an urge to go to that magical ‘delete’ key and erase this honesty in a bid to continue the self-delusion that I am truly loving, cherishing and prioritising my amazing body.

Sometimes I feel the pressure of the static lack of action; tomorrow I will start the day. at 6am with 10 sit ups and stretches, followed by a protein based green smoothie and a cold water shower; I’m still waiting for that tomorrow and what would I do if I didn’t even get to know the gift of another day here on this Earth? Pressure. Pressure to do TODAY what you are planning to start tomorrow, but the schedule for today is already full, so here lays the circular patterns that stand in the way from me breaking free and creating a different life. But who created the circular patterns that are barriers to positive change? Me. Who can unravel and create the new with just one decision, one choice? Me. Yep, me.

I love food.

The focus on being well is so much more than what foods we consume.

Now, food, is one area I am quite proud of. There are NO refined sugars, no cola drinks, very few carbohydrates, no white bread…..lots of white meats, occasional red meat, lots of stir fry vegetables, nuts, fruits and water (including my beloved San Pellegrino) consumed every week within my diet.

I love cooking and experimenting with things that often come to me in a dream, sometimes the dishes are MasterChef worthy, other times they are relegated to the bin, I guess this is when the dream turns into a nightmare!

But what we should and shouldn’t eat is not as simple as that lovely guide of ‘just eat the rainbow, all the colours ( as long as they are natural and not chemical E numbers!!!! ). There’s the Mediterranean diet https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mediterranean_diet, Chinese medicinal diet https://innerlight-wellness.net/the-chinese-medicine-diet/, Gluten free, Vegan, there is a. plethora of food groupings that promise to be ‘the way’, the insurance and assurance to longevity. What is right for you is the challenge. I’m still in the ‘finding’ out phase. My latest intrigue is LECTINS - to lectin or not to lectin - https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=lectins%2C+you.+tubbe#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:45aea29c,vid:Hcl7BkyP_Tg

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

‘Being’ well, living in a mind-set of wellness and health is where I want to be, for every moment of every day to hold the hierarchy of positive attraction to what is good for me. So, the big piece of work, which I am laying bare in a bid to become accountable, is turning this ‘want’ from an intention to an action, a natural habit, something so ingrained that I don’t need to think about choices, I just know what is needed and ‘do’ it.

Circling back to that ‘why’ - why is this such a personal leap? Why is deeply nurturing yourself such a luxurious idea, in fact it even feels a little selfish and self-obsessed. This ‘association’ thinking is perhaps going to be my greatest quest - to really understand the ‘why’, to see the barriers and to begin the process of ‘removal’ and ‘replacement’.

I work all hours.

I’ve worked for myself and run businesses and design practices for as long as I can remember. My work ethic and habit started forming in those early career days in London. I was fortunate to find work in some high intensity, globally reaching corporate brands. I was conscious. of being a young, inexperienced foreigner trying to get a break in a major world city. I was prepared to sacrifice time (which I didn’t appreciate had a value, the most valuable thing I could sell) to become someone, to do and achieve great things. I measured my life by work related achievements - by labels on a business card, by elevating my financial status…enabling me to move up from dire shared accommodation to a stunning architecturally designed. home (with a garden) in central London! I’m ashamed to admit that I look at that beautiful, young, dynamic version of myself and want to scream at her. ‘ ‘Breathe’ young Gill, Breathe it all in and appreciate the bigger idea of Life. You are amazing. WHY in the hell are you smoking? Why are you drinking so much alcohol? Why are you forging a social ‘norm’ around the culture of a pub? Preserve and enhance what you have now - for tomorrow may rob you of the choice!’

It was a pattern of behaviour. Work hard, play hard. I was a jazz singer, an artist, a designer, a business owner and eventually Head Curator for the Design Council based across from the Opera House in London’s Covent Garden. I wore black creatively cut pieces and ‘winkle picker’ pointy small stilhetto shoes. I wafted around with my cigarillo tin and solid silver lighter. I was serious about the Arts and the ability to change hearts and minds through exposure to Big and alternative ideas.

I was under the impression that I was invincible, shielded from any illness, protected from any harm.

And then…… that one morning in July 2005.

I will never fully understand why someone would deliberately use their own body as a weapon, willingly kill and maim people and in the process, kill themselves. I will never understand how there could be even the slightest thread of ‘honour’ or ‘duty’ or ‘fighting for a cause’ in these heinous actions.

There was no escape once those tube doors closed. This was the ONLY morning that I was not in my usual pattern of beating the commuter rush and being at my desk by 7:30am. I loved my early starts, I loved meeting up with the group that I formed in a Covent Garden cafe - a quick double espresso and cigarillo before starting my day. I felt like the ultimate rock star, or the equivalent in the design and arts world. But, on this rainy summer’s day in July I was running late. Jammed into that now notorious first carriage, within seconds of the doors closing the world changed forever for myself and those around me.

My heart stopped for approximately 30 minutes. I think of this moment on the timeline of my life as the demarcation point - everything that was before and everything that was and will be after.

I watched my body heal from the extremes of injury. It was quite extraordinary. Watching the burns on my skin slowly diminish into scars strangely helped focus my mind on the positive actions that my body was naturally doing rather than the reality of how I would function with the loss of both legs. I watched fellow amputee patients on my hospital ward transfer into their wheelchairs and head out for a cigarette. ‘Comin’ out for a ciggy Gill?’ they’d ask.

NO. the very idea replused me in ways I wouldn’t expect.

I couldn’t speak beyond a whisper, so I just shook my head to gesture my response. I was horrified that I was, just weeks before this moment, so ignorant to the brilliance of what I had and what my body could do. I would never knowingly harm myself again.

Or is neglect the same as harm?

With the wisdom of experience and the value of insight into the extremes, I ponder a lot on the power of choice. The choice of one individual, the suicide bomber and the effects of his action on those who had no choice, they didn’t know, we werent informed that we were about to lose our lives. How you REACT and how you RESPOND then becomes your choice. Once I understood the power of personal choice, living with physical pain and trauma became manageable, I could even find joy and happiness, because I was choosing to have a life with those feelings at the centre. Again, as the years have passed from the initial euphoria of survival the growing challenge was maintanence. How could I create a life where the choices were enveloped into a way of ‘being’ of Human ‘being’ and always living in awareness of self-care, wellness and optimum health?

Recently I’ve taken to making journal entries on what I actually ‘do’ and neglect to do for myself. I thoroughly recommend journalling as a way to know and understand yourself better. When you write it down it somehow feels real, have you ever noticed that? The thought or action is captured in ink (or on your device), there it is in all its truth.

What I noticed was the gaping holes in the time I spend exercising, drinking water and sleeping (where do even start with the lack of rest!). My working hours seemed to have increased, working for myself, the patterns that must be built on very strong muscle memory have kicked in its auto pilot system. I’m intrigued again to know why.

Why would I self-sabotage?

Sure, I can blame the increasing cost of good foods, of living well - and maybe that then fuels my fear of ‘less than’ that then feeds the habits of working around the clock trying desperately to reassure myself that I am not missing any opportunity and creating pieces of work that are worthy of payment, after all, I am only as lucrative or as good as my last ‘gig’.

Fear.

I think that classic acronym for Fear of Missing Out, ‘fomo’, is what replaces all the good instincts that surround self-care. What needs to flip is the mind-set of what missing out means.

If we are ill, we miss out, if we are unable, we miss out and if we are dead we most certainly miss out - so I am going to work on creating the new associations to fomo and hold the bigger picture…..that one where I am 100 years old, dancing and drinking champagne singing ‘I made it, I made it, I made it!’

I’ve started making the shifts - I now have an Apple watch which is programmed to send help if I fall over (which is a great asset in building confidence as a double amputee) but this clever little time telling devise is also programmed to alert me to Move, to Stand and to seek exercise. This prompted a thought about the future, of Artificial Intelligence (AI) and how brilliant it would be to have a virtual Health Buddy, a Coach, a Support to help with. every step along the way.

A Destination along the Journey

….that’s where my plan is heading. To create a destination point for all of us who are on the journey of finding and adopting a lifestyle that embodies whole Health.

Mind. Body. Soul

Imagine this place. It may be a centre, it may be a subscription on line, how it manefests will be determined by its need and calling.

A M.A.D. for Life mecca - a beacon that houses EVERYTHING you need to build your Health. Under one roof you could eat at the Wellbar - where Nutritionists create menu’s that are tailored especially for your needs - where you can order a week’s planned meal service to take home, food SORTED. Then your GP, your physio, your accupuncturist, your yoga, massage, dance class, painting lessons, music classes, gosh, the list is endlessly exciting…..

Importantly every inclusion is an offer that can assist on your personal commitment to truly making a difference for your life.

So, I am going to create a M.A.D. for Life ‘box’ or ‘jar’….and every time I sell an art piece, I will put 25% into the jar - every piece of art can then become a brick, a beautiful canvas brick in the building that will house all the M.A.D.ness!

I am Member number 1. I’m committing. I’m all in! its time to practice that dance move to the ‘I made it’ song!

………………………

Making a difference to you, for you, being M.A.D. about yourself…..that’s it, that must be the realigned position, the new learnt behaviour, the mantra for our life time.

Go Well, be M.A.D about you!

With Love and Gratitude